About Me

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Murfreesboro, Tennessee
^KL^ Kamryn Lynn. My SIDS angel taken from me at 2 days old (11/14-16/2009)KM- Kylie Marie. My rainbow baby. Who is 2 1/2 and always keeping me on my toes J- JJ. My gf who I love so much and is going through this journey right by my side ME :) Kimberlee. I am 23 and TotSchool-ing KM. This is my blog on how I 'raise my rainbow' through child-led learning and life. This is where the journey of our growing family will be

Friday, October 15, 2010

Flashing Lights

My camera is dead, so pictures will be left blank till I get new batteries or find the charger for my other one.

Day 3                
of 365 Project 

I got this elephant right after I found out that I was having a girl. I was at a yard sale which was mainly selling baby girls clothes and had found a few bag full of clothes. As I was paying for the clothes, talking with the guy about the new baby girl I was going to have, he ran inside to get me this elephant. He told me about how his daughter had loved it and that I should give it to my little girl. I instantly fell in love with this little pink worn out elephant. I now sit here and wonder about his daughter and where was she and wonder why all her things were being given away but i am sure she had just out grown the toys and clothes all children do, well I guess as most children do. Once I lost Kamryn and Gary had found  a new job (about 3 weeks after we lost her) and I was at home by myself all night, I braved going into her nursery to get the elephant. I carefully untied it from the side of the bed and took it to bed with me that night. From the night on I slept with this little pink elephant it some how filling the loneliness, the emptiness, the silence that filled my room every night. Once we got a new puppy and I didn't want him to chew it up while i was asleep I moved the elephant to the computer desk to rest against my box that contained the plaster casting of Kamryn's feet and hands sand there it sat till yesterday ( Saturday) night. Ive gotten that emptiness that just wells up inside on me. the dogs are there at night but it's not the same thing as if Gary was home from work so i could just cry having him hold me, or even better if Kamryn was there for me to cuddle with- how big she would be now!!!

Day 4                
of 365 Project 

It had seemed as though today would be a normal day: go to work, go home, lay in bed wishing I had the energy to get out of bed to do the much needed things such as homework and cleaning.  But of course how could any day be "normal" for me? Gary had called so I went and brought him dinner. Then decided instead of just sitting at home thinking and wondering I should go baby shopping ( always made me happy with Kamryn). On my way I passed a daycare, my heart just dropped, in the parking lot were two police cars, an ambulance, and a firetruck. All had there lights on and silence seemed to fill the place. All I could say was "Oh God, no" and my eyes filled up with tears. It seemed like the exact same scene that had occurred in front of my house nearly 11 months ago. The whole time out shopping my mind flashed back to that daycare and my eyes would fill with tears. I had no idea what had happened and will probably never find out, but what good can there be when you see this scene? I just pray that it wasn't another little angel lost today.

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