New job. Sigh. I’m actually enjoying it but between the travel to and from and 8-10 hour shifts and school I’m never home. I miss Kylie. I’m not there for her. I feel stuck. I’m trying to make our life more comfortable. Make it so we aren’t always stuck asking for money or deciding which bill not to pay. I think this is what is best for our family. Then I pick her up and she comes running for me. I’ve had my mom, who has been watching her, tell me that after I leave she points at the door saying “mama” or she will do it when she wakes up from her nap. Does she really understand that I am gone? I know she doesn’t understand the reasoning and that I am trying to do what is best. Does she understand missing someone? I feel that my heart breaks, like it is now. I am suppose to be writing a paper for class but I can’t. I just want to go home. I want to see my baby girl of course I also want her to go to bed on time (which would be as soon as we got home- around 10) because I have to wake up around 4am. I feel so lost between being there for her and supporting and providing for her. I just don’t want to grow up watching us struggle nor do I want her to grow up feeling abandoned. I just feel so torn.
- Murfreesboro, Tennessee
- ^KL^ Kamryn Lynn. My SIDS angel taken from me at 2 days old (11/14-16/2009)KM- Kylie Marie. My rainbow baby. Who is 2 1/2 and always keeping me on my toes J- JJ. My gf who I love so much and is going through this journey right by my side ME :) Kimberlee. I am 23 and TotSchool-ing KM. This is my blog on how I 'raise my rainbow' through child-led learning and life. This is where the journey of our growing family will be