I open up blogger all the time along with facebook and babycenter, they are all normally open in there own special tab. I read other people's blogs which takes me to another and another. I think all the times of things that I should write and could write and then I don't. I could stare at the blank screen and type nothing- even with a million thoughts running through my head. I'm exhausted and wind up getting distracted by the other tabs in which are so mindless-usually. And today is nothing special I sit here except just rambling on the screen. I should be cleaning. I
should have cleaned. I was suppose to work last week on the nursery with my mom and sister but the house has to be cleaned first and it never got done. Now we are suppose to do it next weekend and I am still not cleaning. I know I should have today as it was my day off but I will probably wait till the day they come and rush around for two hours knowing they could be here any minute. I want the nursery done, I'm even the one that mentions doing it. I want it done, it never got finished for Kamryn and I need to have it done this time. But in finish the nursery, still half done-the way we left it when we went to the doctor's November 13, 2009 plus the few baby things that were around the house that got placed in there, means I have to go through Kamryn's things. I'll have to decide what we will keep in there, what we will keep as Kamryn's, and what will get rid off. And this has lead me not to clean. Besides being physically tired this thought of going through the nursery makes me even more mentally tired. How the hell do I go through her things? How do I decide what to how to give away things that were suppose to be her's, even if it is just to Kylie? I just dont know. So my house sits a mess, because that just means I can put the nursery off that much longer.
But if I want it done before Kylie gets home I better get started on it soon. She flipped at 21 weeks, dropped last week, and yesterday was measuring two weeks ahead- I don't think she has intentions of staying in there till her due date. Which I am fine with-as long as she stays in there for a few more weeks and is healthy and I can take her home on time. I know my anxiety will kick into full force once she is born. I'm know I won't sleep for months and don't even know how I will go to work when it comes time. I can feel myself starting to panic just thinking of it. I was in the same house whe we lost Kamryn how, just how, will I be 15 minutes away from her?
SIGHHHHHHHH...........
