So, I don't know how to make this too first post-y so I'll just jump in...
DAY 1 of 365 Project
10/8/10
This is Kamryn's closet, well one rack of it. And yes, after 10 1/2 months it still sits. The tags still on the majority of the clothes, her dresser drawers still stuffed full, sheets still on the crib, everything how it was left when i set it up. The bag on the shelf below the clothes is actually Kamryn's Christmas gift that i had bought while pregnant with her. All of this stuff I have left just waiting, just waiting because I couldn't deal with it. Well I guess its no longer Kamryn's, it's Kylie's, my rainbow babies. I knew I was going to have a problem with this and finding out yesterday at the ultra sound confirmed that i do. All this stuff is Kamryn's! How do i get over that now I have to give it to Kylie? Everything that is Kamryn's will no longer be hers. We plan on keeping some stuff just Kamryn's- like a blanket and a few little things, but I don't know. Don't get me wrong I am so happy to be pregnant and completely in love with this baby, its just I had plans for Kamryn to wear this stuff. I remember imaging her wearing all this stuff and maybe its that now, after almost 11 months, I have grasped that she never will.....
DAY 2 of 365 Project
10/9/10
10/9/10
I went to check the mail to day anxiously waiting on my FOL/FOH hoodie and expecting some bills (a few late notices too) and instead found this book with a letter. Now I knew this book would becoming its the 4th part of the SIDS Survival Kit (www.tinyhandprints.org) that is sent out at 11 months. I just wasn't expecting it, maybe it would ever come then that means it wont have been 11 months since I lost Kamryn, which means I will never hit the 1 year mark. Guess denial would do no good though. The book will be so helpful though.....And in this mailbox along with this book- a letter from TENNcare addressed to Kamyrn Lynn Suttell (yes, it was spelt exactly like that "/ and they have sent me a letter apologizing for my loss) because she needs a wellness visit. Sighh, if only a wellness visit would help.
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