About Me

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Murfreesboro, Tennessee
^KL^ Kamryn Lynn. My SIDS angel taken from me at 2 days old (11/14-16/2009)KM- Kylie Marie. My rainbow baby. Who is 2 1/2 and always keeping me on my toes J- JJ. My gf who I love so much and is going through this journey right by my side ME :) Kimberlee. I am 23 and TotSchool-ing KM. This is my blog on how I 'raise my rainbow' through child-led learning and life. This is where the journey of our growing family will be

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

New Job

New job. Sigh. I’m actually enjoying it but between the travel to and from and 8-10 hour shifts and school I’m never home. I miss Kylie. I’m not there for her. I feel stuck. I’m trying to make our life more comfortable. Make it so we aren’t always stuck asking for money or deciding which bill not to pay.  I think this is what is best for our family. Then I pick her up and she comes running for me.  I’ve had my mom, who has been watching her, tell me that after I leave she points at the door saying “mama” or she will do it when she wakes up from her nap.  Does she really understand that I am gone? I know she doesn’t understand the reasoning and that I am trying to do what is best.  Does she understand missing someone?  I feel that my heart breaks, like it is now.  I am suppose to be writing a paper for class but I can’t. I just want to go home.  I want to see my baby girl of course I also want her to go to bed on time (which would be as soon as we got home- around 10) because I have to wake up around 4am. I feel so lost between being there for her and supporting and providing for her.  I just don’t want to grow up watching us struggle nor do I want her to grow up feeling abandoned.  I just feel so torn.

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