So Im sitting here on FB with Kylie asleep in my arms and my brain just starts to wonder: Kylie will be two months old tomorrow which means that today is the 16th. Kamryn has now been gone for 18 months. I can't believe it. I can't believe that I should have an 18 month (and 2 day) old running around the house.
And I get to the point that I still can't believe that she is gone.
Im so afraid that as Kylie gets bigger that I will forget Kamryn. Not necessarily forget about her but forget how she looked, how she felt, how I felt with her.
Am I wrong? I want her back so bad but if she had never died we wouldn't have tried for Kylie. Instead of continuing down the days till the depo from the hospital was suppose to wear off I would have gotten an IUD. Instead of waking up every morning to take and tack my temperature I would have been waking up to feed my baby. So I would do anything to have Kamryn back but wouldn't give Kylie up for anything. Guess its just a contradiction..........
SN: I really need to update and keep up to date on this blog better, as I am no longer pregnant-obviously